Round 5, Masters Vs Caulfield Cobras
Won 4 - 1

Consternation as we were greeted by an overcast day, damp with no sign of the sun. It felt like an English summers day

After our success with the sweeper formation last week we adopted the same formation against the Cobras

The ref gave the usual pre match I'll respect you so respect me routine. Wayne joked we hoped he had a better game than us - he didn't.

From the off we played some beautiful football. Slide rule passes, running off the ball. Johnny K skinned his man down the right, whipped it into the six yard box and Lars was only inches away from another first minute goal.

We didn't have to wait long. Stevie J won the ball on the half way line, resisted the temptation to go down, looked up and saw the Big Fella in the box. A perfect pass and a first touch left foot shot into the corner and we were one up

Caulfield did their best to come back but Rani and Klotzy were giving them no time in the middle and Big Dave and Shay were cleaning up every forward ball.

Up front Aaron was running the show on the left and played in Lars on the edge of the box. A Laudrup special and Lars beat his man, made the byline and pulled it back for Neil to snag his second.

With a strong bench we rang the changes and pressed for a third. Another free kick was sent forward but a hopeful belt of the ball up the field saw their number 9 get free and pull one back - was this the start of the Cobras biting back?

Driven on by their opportunistic goal Richard found Lars in the box, defender hacked as he went past but no penalty. Square up came at the other end as the Cobras broke, shot wide while Wayne made sure their striker didn't get up for the rebound. Still no penalty.

With a little time to reflect the ref soon had the opportunity to get one right. Stevie J played a nice one-two, bamboozled the full back and got a coat hangar for his troubles. No doubt this time and Lars calmly tucked away the penalty to restore the two goal buffer

With the Cobras rattled we went for the kill. Paul C down the right, Johnny K with the pull back found Neil on the edge of the six. With calmness personified Neil took a touch, went past his man and put the ball away. Was like watching Neo in the Matrix

4-1 inside the first half hour. The only surprise in the rest of the half was that we didn't score another. Total control

The second half was more of the same though with less urgency courtesy of our three goal lead.

Phil had a rare run up front and created mayhem, Paul C was always in space for an outlet ball, Johnny K thundered one against the bar, quickly followed by Aaron hitting one from 20 yards that the keeper just turned around for a corner

At the back Kostas was having a quiet day but showed he was still sharp punching away a corner in the danger zone. Cobras had a good spell but as their number seven lined up a shot it was Shane with a John Terry special who dove full length to block the shot.

Late in the game Neil looked to have bagged a fourth with a Lebron James leap but his header hit the post.

In the end a comfortable second half where we could have had a few more but played good football throughout. Defence solid, midfield gelling nicely and goals aplenty up front.

Go Central Park

Round 4, Thirds Vs Monash Uni
Def. 1 - 3

Following last week's skinny defeat against the Chilean samba-boys of Frankston, the lads went in with a sniff against a Monash Uni side much more south of the ladder.

Gallant efforts aside, last week's match had come at a significant cost with Arash (broken ankle down-graded to Brazilian World Cup sojourn) and Brendan (snapped Achilles) casualties from the contest and out of Sunday's side. In fact the stocks were again lean, with only the two on the bench - once again Paul Davies would use the back half of the Thirds match as a warm up and play himself into form for the Master's 'twilight' game.

There sure was a jovial mood in the sheds pre-game, which i reckon was a nice change to see - leave it up to Gaz, like a kid in a toy store who dished out the curry with his tits'n'arse banter and seemingly endless plethora of politically incorrect jibes at the lads.

Monash were equally adolescent in every manner of speaking, which guaranteed us one thing - speed. (and by 'us', i mean 'them'). From the get go, the likes of Adit and Ian on the back flanks - no slouches by any stretch, were put on red alert by the zippy Monash forwards.

The rain had ceased to tumble, but left it's mark all the same as both sides slogged it out  in an effort to control possession on a greasy pitch. Monash, with their pace were well on top early, requiring reliance in the form of phone-a-friend Nick and Rowland at the back, who provided a solid defensive aerial spine as a flurry of crosses and corners were finding their way into the box for Monash scoring opportunities.

Young Tom Davies saddled up for his first outing in Central Park colours and didn't disappoint as usual. Like a contortionist or karma sutra guru (the lad's of legal stature now, so i can say that without the wrath of fatherly consequence), Tom's long and looping throw in's were a weapon in themselves and almost always found a Rangers noggin for a deft flick on, or even chance at goal.

Monash were proving extremely dangerous on the counter, a couple of times going end to end for the most unlikely of goal's, which had the boys that little more edgy. And when Adit's well intended backpass barely made contact with his studs, a Monash kid was quick to pounce, beat a slow-to-react Tim in goals before rounding the number one and finishing unchallenged for the opener.

The lads seemed rattled, and began to lose a previously steely shape - which Monash capitalised on. Another sloppy turnover gifting the same Monash punk a run at goal, as the second was tucked past Tim in goals for Monash's second. The students tail's well and truly up and preening like a peacock.

Before the opening stanza would expire, Central Park would wake from their obvious slumber, blast-from-the-past Alex Bradbeer a welcome addition to the side, his creative self as usual, holding the ball up well and dishing off to his 'new' teammates Ben and Eamon who battled hard to pull the ledger back.

'Mint' i believe is what the kids these days consider to be a 'good thing' (Tom, can you verify for this one for me son?). and 'minty' is how Monash were cruising. Only luck and some last ditch defending, including Rowland uprooting a post, getting the lads to half time only 2 nil down.

The talk at half time was positive, the message clear - pull one back on these college kids, and they might just wilt like a bag of green in an oj bottle with a piece of hose out of the side of it. Well, it seemed that too is factually (and clearly politically) incorrect, as it only took a couple of minutes for the Monash little man, on a hat trick, to break clear and delightfully lob Tim in goals for a demoralising third. (Little ba$tard was probably on Stillnox....).

A crushing blow for Rangers, but by no means a stake through the heart - the half time break had allowed for changes up front, who reverted to a lone striker which Gaz and Stu worked in tandem.
Alex B would find himself with more possession - only ever a good thing, and it didn't take long for the move to pay dividends. Late comer James was suddenly finding space and instrumental on the right wing in causing all sorts of havoc for a Monash defence who until this point were quite capable.

Several 'heart-in-mouth' moments were snuffed out by Tim in goals who prowled the space between himself and the Rangers defensive line with cat like awareness.

An offside provided Rangers with some respite, and Rowland - who would go agonisingly close to bagging a double from our corners, pin pointed a toe bash (is that even possible?!?) to the feet of Alex B, who with still plenty left to do, smarted his way around several would-be's, and flirted with the sideline. The Rangers spearhead looked up in readiness for the obvious lay off but would see only Monash shirts, so instead summed up the situation, took on a couple more and slotted the finest of individual goals.

Spirits were lifted! An obvious waft of nervousness began to permeate through the Monash ranks, matched by a new found zeal in Ranger's groove. The free kicks and corners were coming in thick and fast, Rowland and Kenji's chances among the highlights as both went close.

Nick at the back continued to totally own any attacker who dared cross his path, but a moments lapse in concentration proved fatal. Nick's strong arm tactics far too meaty for the wispy Monash left winger who collapsed under Nick's tackle like a freshman sculling his first frat house beer bong. Penalty without a doubt.

A rather pessimistic Tim in goals braced for the inevitable - clearly far too accustomed to his own and Rowland's track record to conceding penalties. Things felt different though, the calming advice of Paul who offered: "to your left", with soothsayer like confidence. Up stepped the token college stoner to put the game beyond doubt. The shot was fired hard and at a decent height, and to Tim's good fortune - to his left. Tim's glove found the required amount of inertia on the ball, which ended up hitting the crossbar. With a faceful of dirt and eyeful of bewilderment, Tim dusted himself off and stood to find play had stopped, the ball was nowhere to be seen and a Monash player lay clutching his ankle..... and Tim had saved his first ever penalty!

Such drama upped the tempo that little bit more, and Monash were even more cagey as the Ranger's boys refused to lie down. Fighting all the way to the end, Central Park would rue another poor start and finish the better side but with a loss.

Crowd Pleasers
Rowland
Alex B
Nick
James

Round 3, Thirds Vs Frankston
Def, 0 - 1

Once upon a time an expedition of this magnitude would consider a Melways your best friend, and the Nepean Highway your worst enemy.

GPS: check
Eastlink + etag: check, check (and coming from the wrong side on the Yarra, i mean CHECK!)
Steering wheel lock: check (do they even make those anymore!?!)

Clearly the FFV don't see distance as being much of a barrier either, finding a home for Frankston in our league this season. Dubbing the Pines South-East Metro though? Honestly, 'North Gippsland' would be a more accurate geographical posting.....

With Rowland handing out personalised team hoodies like the Jacks dishing off speeding tickets to spotty Franga' hoons, the boys seriously looked the part, and for large chunks of the contest genuinely looked like dismantling a very highly regarded opponent.

Missed opportunities and a couple of cruelling injuries proving the difference in a thoroughly entertaining tussle that the lads should be well proud of.

In truth, Frankston spent most of their time in possession in Ranger's half, but any serious half chances were strictly that as Central Park's steely defence didn't waver a bit.

Alex H turned right back into wing back with some probing runs out of defence, showing impressive stamina to maintain the intensity. Yonder to the other flank, and Adit had his best outing of the year to date in nullifying a much larger tag and keeping things well tidy.

Slowly, just slowly though, Rangers patiently wrestled their way into the match and begun to make attacking inroads of their own. The likes of Arash, Eamon and smiling assassin Kenji (cool name huh?) in the thick of it for the blue and whites as Brian, Stu and Gaz-bags crept into the contest in supporting roles up front.

The contest continued to see-saw, with shots at goal from Frankston resembling a Pines drive-by hooch debt, exhausting Tim in goals and the friendly locals who were regularly required to fish footballs from the neighbouring car parks, drains and even a f*cking tree at one stage!

A rare error against the run of play would give Frankston their first real scoring chance. Until this moment, nearly every attempt on goal was from afar. A change of tact would bring a change in luck though, as the Pines walked the ball in and fired at the Rangers goal from point blank range. A startled Tim in goals could only parry the ball back into the path of a support player for Frankston who seized the moment to open the scoring. The goal aside, the contest remained tight, but then.....

'CRUNCH!', just as Central Park were upping the tempo, disaster would strike. Arash, who was having a whale of a game skipped past yet another Frankston Pine and was on the cusp of sending Ranger's into attack. Why, why, why, we'll never know - but we could only watch on in bewilderment as the Pines no. 12 churned out quite possibly the dumbest challenge in footballing history. Illegal - most definitely. Dangerous - an understatement. Atomic pain for poor old Arash - a definite understatement, who lumbered over in pain using language that would make a sailor blush, declaring, perhaps prematurely, a broken ankle.

With the cast of ER and the Flying Doctors combined in the side this year, there was no shortage of medical opinion and prognosis - including one doozy from a Frankston player who's treatment entailed "giving it a rub". Christ!

Rather, we played it safe and stretchered our boy off the park for a second opinion. Fortunately that outlook was more rosy and broken bones were ruled out. Arash's day was done though, and we were down to one on the bench. From here the referree was well and truly in our favour (guilt over the feather duster yellow card?)

Impossible to pick a clear favourite to take the points, the likes of Canonball Jones, Gaz and Anthony 'Humphrey' (noisy bugger) Creswell, were beginning to drag the ascendancy Ranger's way and FINALLY getting some shots off that were a real threat.

Gaz's shot was a bullet and should've found the target, but it was Brendan 'Humphrey' (also boisterous) Smee who found himself in the best scoring position of the day timing his run to perfection. Moments away from unleashing a sure equaliser, our second helping of shit luck would then be reeled off with an almighty 'CRACK!'. Brendan, the victim of yet another clumsy and vicious challenge by none other than the 'invisible man'. Somewhere, somehow (and i'm onto my third glass of red by now, so go with me on this...) an aggrieved ex-lover could be found sitting in her/his (well i don't know do i?!) darkened suburban bedroom nursing a doll resembling our Brendan, being treated like a pin cushion. As the fabric of Brendan's lower leg would give way to the cold, sharp tack, so too would Brendan's Achilles and write off not only his day, but season as well.

(you wouldn't believe some of the sh*t that came up when i knocked 'voodoo doll' into Google, the mind boggles....)

Having given their stretcher away to Arash, Brendan would have to settle for the the 'house' crutches - though we were well impressed with how equip Frankston were in maiming two of our players.

It took 85minutes, but Canonball FINALLY found space to unleash one of his trademark specials bringing the absolute best out of the Pines keeper who kept Nick goalless.

That would be that though. Brendan would be fast tracked into surgery the following day in what must surely be a World Record in the public health system, whilst Arash i'm told, would steer the scalpel on one leg! That's what i call team work!

Much to like about our efforts with no remaining subs.

Crowd Pleasers
Alex H
Nick
Adit
Arash

Round 4, Masters Vs Middle Park
Won 4 - 3

A beautiful afternoon, 20 degrees and a slight breeze - perfect football weather.

Looking to break our duck against Middle Park our four Sunday morning subs had reduced to two by kick off with Stevie J and John K dropping out. In addition, Wayne was running late so Phil grabbed the flag and the rest if us took to the field.

A good start was essential and we got it. Barely a minute in Gerry found space down the left, crossed the ball and Lars headed it home.

The new formation was going well but the Middle Park speedsters were keeping us on our toes. Just when we seemed to have weathered the storm a corner clearance fell kindly on the edge of the box and they tucked it away into the top corner.

We regrouped, Wayne joined Rani, Dave  and Paul in the middle and we got back on top. Lars and Gerry kept probing up front and a great pass split the defence and Lars got his second, 2-1 up

At the back Shay, Dave and Shane were rock solid and with Aaron and Phil having run themselves into the ground we brought Gerry back to sweep and sweep he did. In goal Neil made sure he cleaned up everything they threw at him. Half time 2-1 up

Middle Park came at us from the kick off knowing they needed to get back into the game.

We defended a series of free kicks but finally a long range shot just snuck in the top left corner.

With a firm control of midfield we were really stretched and we soon found ourselves 3-2 down with 20 minutes to go.

We regrouped, tidied up midfield and everyone lifted. We started winning headers, closing down their midfield, winning the 50/50 tackles and started creating chances

As Middle Park went the long ball we started to build through the middle. Gerry ran into space, found Lars again and he tucked it away for his hattrick. All tied up with 5 to go

From then on it was end to end. Lars and Neil both had shots over the bar, Wayne drilled one wide and Rani went close too.

At the other end Big Dave and Shay were winning all the headers, Gerry made some last ditch blocks. 100% all over the pitch. In goal Dave was right behind everything

With only a couple of minutes to go Gerry sent a long bomb forward as we repelled another attack. Neil chased and as the keeper and defender both left it for each other Neil stole in and tucked it away into the bottom corner. 4-3

Brilliant win and our first ever over Middle Park - the after game beers were golden

Back to the Fortress next Sunday with a home game against new boys Caulfield

Go Central Park

Round 3, Masters Vs Fitzroy
Def. 1 - 8


The sun bathed the Fortress for our game against Fitzroy who look to be out for blood having been consigned to Runners Up last season

What looked like a healthy squad with plenty of fresh legs on the bench turned pear shaped in the last 48 hours before kick off

We scraped the bare 11 by kick off with Paul Cooper debuting and, in a show of selflessness, donning the gloves to fill our goalkeeping vacuum

We started brightly with Big Dave and Shay untroubled at the back whilst Mr Versatility (John K) and myself kept them quiet on the flanks

In the middle Klotzy, Rani and Wayne showed their combo is improving week in week out. All in all we were more than holding our own whilst Gerry tormented them up front

Then from nowhere an innocuous ball into the box looked to be covered only to fall to their striker. Not sure who was more surprised but it didn't stop him tucking it away.

In the next ten we still seemed to be sharing the honours but a look at the scoreboard revealed we were 3-0 down. Can't recall their goals but safe to say hey were lucky/unwarranted/offside - choose your favourite combo

Despite Phil and Aaron having to play more like defenders than attacking mids we kept pressing. Then a master stroke from Neil, super coach for the day courtesy of a strained hammy, shuffling midfield saw their keeper over stay his time outside the box, get dispossessed and Gerry slammed the ball home from thirty yards out

3-1 down and the half time whistle blew

The second half we really needed the first goal. We pushed hard. Despite being 50% fit Lars tormented them all day, Gerry outran the Duracell bunnies and Aaron continued to make the left flank his own

After saving us on numerous occasions Paul C was replaced by John K (by this stage playing on his one good ankle). Paul's rampaging runs down the right flank had Fitzroy all over the place

In the end we couldn't add to our tally and Fitzroy could, repeatedly. Considering our lack of manpower we played some great football and would have had the edge on most other teams in our League

The final score of 8-1 flattered Fitzroy a bit but we get another shot later in the season and I think we have the mental edge

This season has also seen our inaugural 45s team enter the fray with CP favourite Ricky a regular. Shay and I braved the storms to venture down to Brighton to join the fun

Having won their first two games 3-2 the pressure was on.

The game was very close throughout courtesy of us squandering a few early chances. We broke through before half time to lead 1-0 at the break

In the second half Ricky put one just wide that would have wrapped things up. We weathered a late storm both on the pitch and from the heavens to take the honours and keep the 100% record

Hopefully we can get a few more into the squad once injuries come good. If any one else is keen to return to the fray let me know

This weekend is a bye so there's a scratch game with our thirds at Central at 11am - please let me know if you can make it so I can let the boys know

Next match is away to Middle Park on May 25th, 3pm kick off. Hopefully a big squad for that one

Go Central Park

Round 2, Masters Vs Ashburton

Def. 2 - 3

With torrential rain an hour before kick off we were greeted by a howling wind and a pretty greasy surface - except for the middle that was more reminiscent of a Sunday league game in the English mid winter. Grit and application required rather than our usual silky passing game.

Honours even in the opening exchanges. Ashy with the wind probed the flanks but we held up well.

At the other end Lars went close with a half chance on his left. Then disaster, an innocuous shot was stopped by Nathan but his clearance went straight to an Ashy player who tucked it away.

The arm wrestle continued for the rest of the half. Hard tackling, Neil Rodaway helping the ref with his decisions and getting a yellow card for his trouble.

With Shane off with a calf strain Paul Karak made a fine debut at centre back. It looked like 1-0 for the half until an Ashy break saw them win a penalty. Cubbo tucked it away and it was back to the sheds 2-0 down at half time.

Renewed purpose and playing down the slope saw us start the brighter in the second half.

Rani was composed through the middle and linked well with Wayne and Klotzy. When he found himself on the edge of the box he hit a shot that would have burst the net if the Ashy defender hadn't got a block on it.

At the back Big Dave and Shay switched the play beautifully and I lost count of the number of man and ball sliding tackles Big Dave executed (appropriate term).

Gerry added some extra run up front and his overlap down the right saw him whip a cracking ball which Neil headed home from eight yards out.

With the momentum our way John K was flying around the middle and making room for Aaron down the left. A sweet move saw Lars turn the ball inside for Gerry who cut back across the edge of the box, outpaced two defenders and slammed home the equaliser with a curler into the bottom corner.

We chased for the winner but their keeper somehow kept us at bay. Then from nowhere we found ourselves outnumbered at the back. A nice finish saw us 3-2 down.

Cracking game, we couldn't come back this time and lost by a goal.

Much to admire as we really gelled in the second half and played some great football.

Big test against Fitzroy at home next but if we repeat our second half form we should start as favourites.

GO Central Park

Round 1, Thirds Vs South Yarra

def. 1 - 2

A new season it was then, complemented by a host of new faces for Central Park's 'youth' side in the 1pm curtain raiser. In Ranger's parlance, "strong pre-season form" once meant the traditional 'get-to-know-ya' piss up for the lads - not this year though (which i really struggled to adapt to...). The energy buzzing through the side during our Sunday kick abouts and practice matches signaled a change of the guard which one couldn't help be excited by. (I just hope this new 'guard' at least keeps a hip-flask on him...).

The lads arrived switched on, newly appointed club secretary, Brian quickly finding out the gig isn't all long lunches, beer and skittles, as he took the initiative and laid out the game plan.

Rod warned us early that his output would be in limited supply after he got a bit carried away on the hawker style street food amid his Eastern sojourn to 'Nam. Meanwhile, Nick 'Canonball' Jones picked up where he left off last season - on a hat-trick of Player of the Year trophies, which now threaten the shelf space of his coveted REIV Real Estate Agent (*cough* scumbag) of the Year award. (Sorry Nicky boy, i just sold property - terrible experience and i've lost all faith in mankind....).

Rangers had only beaten the Yarra once in their entire history - the last fixture, and it was a fittingly cracking game from the get go. South Yarra ex-pat Tim, in goals for Rangers, dished out the curry to some former team mates, and minutes later was nearly left red-faced as a goal mouth scramble found the Central Park no. 1 totally at sea. The perfectly weighted South Yarra lob sailed over Tim's head and goal-ward toward an empty net, only the post saving Tim's derriere as the ball bounced to safety. Close call!

Meanwhile, the diminutive Yarra striker was at his yappy best, and new boy Adit did a fine job in paying him close attention and playing the offside trap to perfection. The Rangers back four held well, Rowland taking no chances in hoofing the ball to safely and playing the General role nicely.

It was then that South Yarra rolled a through ball into the box - far too well weighted, as Tim in goals watched it trickle toward the bi-line. Rowland couldn't believe his misfortune, and yappy-yarra his good luck - who was barely in the penalty box, and accidently clipped by the burly Rangers centre-back. The big man's unfortunate penalty streak would continue, as would Tim's, who could only rue the spot kick that crept under his body. 1 nil.

The cracking pace meant regular changes, and Rangers took the opportunity to unleash their wild-card Marcek (spelling!!?!?). Hardly the most petite little thing, Marcek, with his knuckles seemingly scraping along the ground was pivotal in dragging Rangers out of their own half and putting South Yarra on the back foot with his aerial dominance and fortress like presence. Coupled with Canonball, the spaces began to open up nicely for the sweet pairing of Gaz and debutant Brendan up front.

A wave of corners and long throws (courtesy of Marcek) had South Yarra on the ropes, an errant bouncer finding it's way to Stu who desperately lunged from point blank range only to see the ball elude him."

Something had to give, and up stepped Canonball to show us all how it was done, as a goal mouth scramble fell Canonball's way, who clobbered a volley through the sea of bodies who could only look on as the ball kissed the post on it's way in for the equaliser. 1-1

Ranger's foot was well and truly on the throat of South Yarra, they just couldn't bloody 'squeeze' and help themselves to the lead, which clearly frustrated the lads. Then disaster would strike. Lamenting another missed scoring chance, a swift South Yarra counter attack down the left found poor old Adit outnumbered, Tim in goals advanced but was beaten for the second time. In she went for South Yarra's second.

Minimal changes seemed necessary at the interval and the optimistic atmos felt bigger than the rose coloured glasses of it Round 1 is famous for lulling us with. Rangers were quick of the blocks in the second stanza, Marcek and Canonball an almost comical site as they dwarfed the pride of Stonnington and owned the midfield. Ian did some shadow boxing of his own on the way to frustrating a well beaten South Yarra winger, and linked up well with come-lately James, another Rangers freshman welcomed to the side. 

Come from everywhere the new boys did, Jordan (who for some odd reason i can envisage ending up with a stupid nickname like 'disco' or similar) played out of his skin and ran all day. Out wide, Anthony also donning the blue and white for the first time, was dangerous all day and quickly made an impression on not just the wing but his new team mates too. 

I'll get my hand off it for now though, and jump back to the football....

The corners, long throws and even the odd back-pass free kick lended themselves as genuine scoring opportunity's and it seemed just a matter of time - and when Canonball's next strike on goal missed the target, yet ended up in Camberwell, South Yarra were on red alert. 

Central Park were then forced to shuffle some things around, as Rod pulled something - a thigh? Rod, remind to tell you the story of how i once (and only bloody once) ate frog, hawker style, off the street in Vietnam and the 9 hour flight home the next day. Oh i've distracted myself again....

Suddenly down a man, the lads showed great versatility to fill the void left by Rod's departure, and pushed on in search of a goal

But for all the battles the Rangers lads won, South Yarra would hang on and win the war. Shame. Alas, every cloud has it's silver lining, and with the much needed new blood on board, victories aplenty are assured as the team continues to gel.

Solid start lads! 

Crowd Pleasers:

Marcek

Canonball Jones

Adit

Jordan